Saturday, 26 November 2016

Contemplate

Contemplate

How can I step into an open field
Where I'm not sure the grass is green?
How can I give someone a map
When I have not yet found my way?
Lost. 

How can I sing that song with her,
While inside my heart is tweeting a different tune?
And how can I finish that story,
When I have not lived the ending myself?
Waiting.

How do I tell them we've lost everything,
When they were the ones who let everything get lost?
And how can I watch it roll out from afar,
If I was the one that started it rolling?
Alone.

How can I tell them I will pray for them 
If I don't believe in God, 
And how can I hold onto them,
While I fight my head that resents them for all the things they've plagued me with?
Lies.
And how can I read the emotions on your face,
If you've hastened to tell me all the emotions are gone?
And how can I tell you secrets,
If I've told them all while you listened to something else?
Gone.

How can I hide how much it all hurts,
While they tell me that I've already let everything out?
And how can I reassure by giving hugs,
While really using them to comfort me?
Hide.

But how can I figure out an excuse for dancing in public,
Because I am so overjoyed with emotion?
And how can I belt out the harmony
Without making myself cry?
Love.

___________________________________

This poem does not make sense, and it's not supposed to. I tried expressing  my thoughts on some current as well as past issues and dilemnas in my life, and the words came to first before I realized what I was trying to say with them. I hope that maybe you were able to enjoy it without really understanding it.

love always,
Oakstar
(yes, that was a reference to Perks of Being a Wallflower because I'm going through a phase)

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Sometimes

Sometimes

Most times, I drive with the windows up.
I don't listen to music because it's too loud and too distracting to play in the car,
and I'm too busy concentrating on everything else on my mind
that I forget to to breathe in the smell of new car.

But sometimes, I drive with the windows down.
And I let the music blast, fill my ears with joy until I'm so caught up in emotion that everything becomes silent,
and I'm too distracted by the wind blowing in my hair
that I forget to worry about things that I don't have to worry about.

Most times, I don't dance in public.
Music plays in my ears that I tend to ignore, push away
for fear of being judged,
and I'm too scared of the prospect of overwhelming joy
that I am overcome with overwhelming sadness. 

But sometimes, I tap my feet
to the rhythm in my head, 
and suddenly everything I worried about I push away from my mind,
and I can't hear the sound of other people's thoughts
because they don't matter.
And the world around me spins
in the most stunning, absolutely dazzling way.

Most times, I don't tell people of my dreams, 
because they're too insane to voice, 
and if people were to read the thoughts in my head
I think they would be too scared to approach me. 
And I let my dreams haunt my sleep,
because I don't pay enough attention to them while I'm awake.

But sometimes, I share my dreams with people,
And instead of becoming scared they become inspired.
Not often, but sometimes they join with me in dreaming it,
and it uplifts me and it uplifts them.
We both forget what it was like to be afraid of dreaming,
and instead, we shine. 

Most times, I forget to live. 
But sometimes, I remember.
And it's those times that make life worth living. 

-Oakstar

Saturday, 5 November 2016

7 Reasons You're Awesome

  1. You've come a long way. You've overcome a whole lot of battles that maybe one or two people in your life actually know about. You've spent hours of your life looking in the mirror trying to accept the way you look, you've set your jaw looking at a math test you came a long way just to prepare for, and you're ready to ace it. You've come to terms and accepted yourself for your sexuality, your gender, your race or nationality. You used to have trouble embracing your culture but now you take pride and joy in it. You completed Nanowrimo. You used to be afraid to speak up while working on group projects, but now you speak your opinion with confidence and even throw in a smile. You have fought and struggled for the right to be yourself in front of others, but also for the right to be yourself, for yourself. And your scars are simply a reminder of how far you've come. Show them off with pride because you deserve that recognition.
  2. You are so unique. You wear the clothes you love, that you feel comfortable in. You enjoy things other people might find completely out of the ordinary, whether that be a certain sport or musical outlet, or knitting warm woolly hats. You have an eclectic taste in music that includes Bon Jovi's greatest hits as well as some classical piano. You come up with great puns, or are ten times quicker to get any literary joke than anyone else. You know the Matilda the Musical soundtrack by heart (guilty, I am listening to it by heart) but you can't sing for your life. You are completely original and unapologetically you, and because of it you are so beautiful. 
  3. You have an idea, you're just not sure how to bring it out to the world yet. Or you're working on an idea that will be sure to change the world, and it is/will be so inspiring that bubbles of inspiration are already starting to float out of your mouth and ears. And the bubbles of inspiration smell like vanilla, and because they smell good, YOU smell good too, which is another reason why you're awesome! You WILL change the world for a lot of people, or maybe it will just be for a few. But your impact will matter, and it will be so worth everything you put into it. 
  4. You're hella bleeping talented. Like, hella. You can write circles around your friends, or maybe bust out melodies that no one else can. Your pumpkin cupcakes are to die for (shoutout to Noor I'm lookin at you), and you can run fastest on your team. Maybe you aren't the best at something that first pops into someone's head, like singing or dancing. Maybe you have an incredible gift for knowing exactly what to say when people need to hear it, or you're just really good at knitting warm woolly hats (this is the second time I've brought up warm woolly hats- can someone knit me one? like a soft one? please? jkjk). Maybe you haven't even discovered your talent yet, but one day, you will, and when you do, watch out world. God bless. 
  5. You have people you'd die for, and people out there would die for you. You love people. Your family, some of your best friends. The people that have changed your life for the better. I've realized that when people are on my list, I am happier, because I am so full of love that I've stopped counting the ways I have to express it. You may not even have met the people you'd take a bullet for, but you just know, some people are worth saving just as you are. You love them and they love you. Hugs for everyone. 
  6. You're adorable. You dance in the rain, and you laugh out loud when you're not supposed to. You sing horribly, and you have weird quirks that no one really understands but everyone finds adorable. The way your eyes light up while talking about a certain topic that inspires or excites you also lights up the room. 
7. You've realized that you are worth it. It may have taken you a forever and a half to realize that you mean something to this world. Years and years of fighting against your instinct to resent yourself and others, before actually seeing for yourself how truly wonderful, awe-inspiring you actually are. You shine and bask in this newfound glory, this self-acceptance, this confidence that radiates from your entire being. You are worth taking that extra step, you are worth taking care of yourself and loving yourself and admitting that you're actually really awesome. And that just makes you even more awesome. So you go, queen. 

This is my love song to the world. 

-Oakstar

Thursday, 3 November 2016

Nano Rambles

I remember writing a really cringey post around this time two years ago entitled "How Are Y'all Doing With Nanowrimo?" or something equally cringey like that. I was much too overly optimistic then. That year, I had gone only with a 32000 word goal, because I was worried about it interfering with my school work. This year, since my school work has already gone downhill, I thought I might as well just aim for the 50000 like the idiot I am.

So now, I sit here procrastinating on homework AND writing at the same time. I caught up on some blogs, and now I'm trying to write a meaningful post of my own.

Three days in, and I've consumed the majority of Halloween candy I collected. I must've eaten every single type of junk food there is in the past forty eight hours, and I am also internally. dying. but. what. else. is. new. 

And that's what writers go through in the month of November, amiright?! 

This year, the creative writing club at my school has set up a classroom for those competing themselves in Nanowrimo, and even though I've been asked to join, I'm still debating it becauseI succeed more pushing myself and I'm not sure a support group directly linked to my school would help me in any way... I like to compartmentalize everything in my life. It's probably not healthy mentally, but is any writer truly sane? I must've lost my sanity a while ago. 

If anyone would like to word war, please let me know down below! I'm on the younger site this year, but maybe we could work something out.

Does anyone else feel like that if they share their novel ideas with other people, they become less inspired to write it? I find it much better to keep it a secret, maybe so I don't start second guessing the idea before I finish writing it. Who's with me on this?

Goodnight, and good luck to everyone doing Nanowrimo. I'm going to go drown myself in caffeine now, and next week I will probably be rambling again. Stay tuned for an exciting November.

-Oakstar 

p.s. what is this kind of content I promise some good poetry and stuff in the near future I'm so sorry